The following was written by my dear friend Pat (@ptotime).
The world’s first mutant and possibly the most evil, even Apocalypse is astounded by the power of company-mandated crossover events. Awoken by his eternal servant Ozymandias, a tidy stone man in a jaunty hat, Apocalypse is alerted to the powerful energies that Onslaught (and the Biggest Summer Comics Event Of All Time!) is wielding,
Apocalypse rises from his chambers and makes his intentions known. After he does his pees and poos, of course.
Proposing an alliance with his greatest foes, the X-Men Missile Flyers (sold separately), Apocalypse seeks to destroy the power that is Onslaught (sold separately), while secretly planning to steal it for himself. Shoplifting is bad. Our Quality PRoducts are worth Full Retail Price.
Weakening Onslaught enough for Professor X to be released from the drunk tank and put on bond, the villain Apocalypse departs the IHOP parking lot and readies himself for a time that he would call the world his own. And he’ll prove it’s flat, once and for all!
Secret Weapon Location: Bum and Tummy
Appointed by Optimus Primal as the Maximals’ main polar kitty, TIGATRON is one furrocious recon-bot. Supposed to roam the frozen tundra in animal form, but spends most of his time among the same temperate climate, composed of four CGI rocks and six CGI trees, as the rest of his team. His cute kitty butt and wiggly tail convert into a powerful quasar cannon, and the Meow Mix and tuna that powers his toxic fluid blaster renders his enemies’ bodies completely useless. Powerful and considered fearless, even though he’s just a pale version of Cheetor. He is Airrazor’s soulmate, but spends most of his time napping and knocking Optimus Primal’s coffee mug off of the Axalon’s kitchen table. Wise beyond his years and born housetrained.