Category: GI Joe

1993 GI Joe Zartan (Ninja Force)

1993 GI Joe Zartan (Ninja Force) Review

On By thedragonfortressIn GI Joe6 Comments

Back in my review of Talking Battle Commanders Cobra Commander, I talked about how intimidating it is to review some figures. Cobra Commander is probably the most important character in the GI Joe franchise, and I had a lot to say about him. Before I wrote the post, I wasn’t sure how well I’d express myself or how well I’d measure up against the standards I set for myself. I think it turned out pretty well, in the end, but I’m struck by that same feeling again for today’s review.

Zartan is my favorite Cobra operative and one of my favorite GI Joe characters as a whole. The 1993 Ninja Force Zartan figure was a toy I had as a kid, so I have many thoughts and memories associated with it. I want to do the figure justice and I want to do the character of Zartan some justice, too. So I’m feeling a bit anxious about the whole thing as I write this. But Zartan is just a fictional character and this figure is just a piece of plastic, so how bad could the whole thing actually turn out?

There’s only one way to know for sure. Join me for a review of the 1993 GI Joe Zartan figure.

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An image featuring Shadow Weaver, Bret Hart, Pythona, and Jinx

My Top 10 Toys of 2025

On By thedragonfortressIn GI Joe, LEGO, Misc, Transformers15 Comments

Hey there. It’s been a little while. I was on a roll for a bit there until I wasn’t. But, to get back into the swing of things, I thought I’d do something easy. Easy is relative, of course. But this was a much more simple affair than my usual reviews.

I still have another Exosquad/Robotech article coming up. I’ve taken more than 80 photos, I just sort of petered out on writing it. Hopefully posting this inconsequential little thing will help kick me back into gear, as I’ve missed writing and taking photos. October was very busy, and then the holidays came after that. December has been a tough month for me since my mom passed, but I actually did celebrate the usual holidays this year with friends and loved ones– that hasn’t happened since 2021.

I’m doing my best to be back in the saddle, as this silly little website is still important to me.

I didn’t buy a ton of new (or even vintage) toys in 2025, but there were some gems I wanted to highlight. I did have a lot of fun with some new additions to the collection last year, and this post helped remind me that toys are still something I care about. They’ll always be a big part of my life.

Thanks for joining me! Let’s take a look at 10 pieces of plastic junk that will eventually linger in a landfill or contribute to a Texas-sized garbage patch in the ocean long after I’ve departed this mortal coil.

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1994 GI Joe Carcass (Star Brigade)

1994 GI Joe Carcass (Star Brigade) Review

On By thedragonfortressIn GI Joe9 Comments

I’m back with another GI Joe review, but I’m still in a heavy science fiction mood. I’m not sure how soon that mood will pass, but it seems to be sticking around for a while. So I’m going to roll with it. I love all things science fiction, though– robots, aliens, spaceships, laser guns, laser swords, giant robots, robot dogs, etc. I love almost all of it. Except for sci-fi prestige dramas, which you can miss me with. Not nearly enough lasers or spaceships, usually.

1994’s Carcass, from GI Joe’s Star Brigade sub-line, fits my current mood perfectly. It’s not a toy I had any experience with before writing this review, but that made this whole thing kind of a novel experience. I always appreciate novel experiences.

Shout out to my good friend Cody, who requested this review when I did a little informal poll on my last GI Joe post. You can always feel free to make review suggestions, especially when I ask for that kind of feedback.

Anyway, let’s shift into hyperdrive and take a look at 1994 Carcass, who Cody refers to as “the silly alien man.”

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1993 GI Joe Dr. Mindbender

1993 GI Joe Dr. Mindbender Review

On By thedragonfortressIn GI Joe13 Comments

Today we’re looking at a GI Joe figure that’s both iconic to many people around my age and despised by many people who grew up with the earlier years of A Real American Hero. It’s a divisive figure.

You’ll probably guess which camp I’m in, though. You already know what kind of website this is.

So let’s take a look at a figure that represents Dr. Mindbender’s transformation from orthodontist-turned-muscle-Super-Scientist into cyborg-LA-Lakers-fanatic-Mad-Doctor.

This should be a fun one, so let’s get started.

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2025 GI Joe ReAction+ Snake Eyes holding a sword, standing on an orange background

2025 GI Joe ReAction+ Snake Eyes Review

On By thedragonfortressIn GI Joe15 Comments

Last week, I promised you more GI Joe and today I am making good on that promise. Today we’re looking at a figure that has absolutely nothing to do with the 1990s, but it’s a figure I have a lot to say about anyway.

I’ve been mostly pretty excited about Super7’s recent foray into ARAH-style o-ring GI Joe figures. None of them have been perfect, but most of them have at least been pretty fun and interesting. Super7 is a company I have mixed feelings about, but each wave of their GI Joe ReAction+ line seems to be getting better. They’re at least taking fan feedback into account and learning from some of their mistakes.

Super7 is leaning way too heavily on Cobra Commander and Snake Eyes so far. We learned over the course of the entire 00s that making the same character again and again gets tedious and kills fan interest. In this case, though, I didn’t mind Super7 releasing a second Snake Eyes only three waves into the toy line.

You see, a proper purple Sunbow Snake Eyes is something of a dream figure for me. We’ve come close with a few releases in the past, but this one is actually the real deal– it was built from the ground up to represent the brand mascot’s cartoon appearance.

I was very excited to buy this figure and mess around with it. And, now that some months have passed since its release, I think I’ve finally gathered all of my thoughts.

Let’s get down to the nitty gritty on Super7’s 2025 GI Joe ReAction+ Snake Eyes figure.

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1991 GI Joe Sci-Fi on a gradient background, holding his weapons

1991 GI Joe Sci-Fi Review

On By thedragonfortressIn GI Joe12 Comments

Hello, everyone. It’s been a while. There are a multitude of reasons for that, but I probably won’t go into that until my next post (which is about 50% done, and will interest approximately 9% of my audience). I was actually planning on publishing that post first, but I thought about it some more and decided a more traditional GI Joe review might be the best way to ease myself back into blogging about old plastic dolls.

Today we’re looking at 1991 GI Joe Sci-Fi, which has been one of my favorite ARAH figures since I got it as a kid. 1991 is my favorite year for the vintage GI Joe toy line, which is something I refuse to shut up about. You could probably put an XH86 LLOM beam laser rifle to my head and I’d still keep yapping about it. And yap I shall!

Thanks so much for joining me again after all this time. Let’s take a deep dive into 1991’s Directed Energy Expert, Seymour P. Fine.

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1990 GI Joe Range Viper

1990 GI Joe Range Viper Review

On By thedragonfortressIn GI Joe9 Comments

Hello. I hope you’ve all enjoyed your Spooky Season. This is one of my favorite times of the year. I’m not really into super gory horror movies, but I do love costumes, candy, kitsch, mischief, and Fall weather.

I’ve never really done much of a Halloween review before, and I suppose this isn’t much of one either. But, as far as vintage GI Joe figures go, the 1990 Range Viper is pretty spooky. He’s wearing a mask that consists of a stylized skull and some brains, after all. Plus, he probably eats  bugs every day.

So it’s very thematically appropriate.

1990 GI Joe Range Viper

So Happy Halloween! And, as always, thanks for joining me.

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2022 GI Joe Ninja Force Minimates (NYCC Exclusive)

2022 GI Joe Ninja Force Minimates (NYCC Exclusive) Review

On By thedragonfortressIn GI Joe5 Comments

Today we’re looking at something that came out a year ago and is not in any way a Hasbro product. So it’s not in my usual wheelhouse. It is, however, directly related to 1990s GI Joe. In fact, it’s probably the biggest bone 90s Joe fans have been thrown in the last 10 years or so.

I’ve had this Minimates box set sitting around for a little while now– I preordered it the second it became available, but it didn’t get around to opening it until a couple weeks ago. My intent was always to review it for this website.

I am a huge Ninja Force fan, after all.

If you’re not into Minimates, don’t worry too much. I’ll be giving you a quick primer on what they are and how they function. And if you’re not interested at all, that’s okay– I’ll be returning to more traditional plastic dolls next week.

And for all three of you who are actually interested in this review, I hope you enjoy it.

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Russian Funskool GI Joe Beach Head

Site Updates: Fun(skool) on the Beach(Head)

On By thedragonfortressIn GI JoeLeave a comment

Hello there!

As I said in last week’s review, I have a busy week ahead of me so I only have something small for you this day.

But the good news is we’re keeping the Beach-Head (or Beach Head, or Beachhead, depending on how the Hasbro and/or Funskool copywriter is feeling that day) train rolling today.

Below you’ll find a link to my in-depth look at the Russian Funskool Beach Head figure from 1998.

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1994 GI Joe Beach-Head

1994 GI Joe Beach-Head Review

On By thedragonfortressIn GI Joe6 Comments

Well, whaddya know? It’s another GI Joe review! For those of you who don’t like adolescent karate reptiles (you absolute monsters), this should help satisfy your army doll cravings.

Today I’m looking at a figure that came from the large carded lot I bought at an estate sale a while back. I’ve only dipped into it a little bit so far, but this yellow-vested weirdo has been calling to me like a plastic Siren of ancient myth.

So let’s crash into the rocks and look at GI Joe’s Beach-Head from 1994!

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