Isn’t Cyberpunk 2077 Epic? I mean sure the devs lied and we should hate them (for a little while) and it has some bugs on peasant boxes (consoles, lol), but it runs perfectly on my 69,420 gigawatt custom PC with super rare ($6000 on eBay) video card and custom lighting (red).
That’s right, friendos, I’m a gamer now. I deleted my 100+ Animal Crossing hour (girl game, also Political) save and got into Dark Souls (Epic game, not Political) where I’ve logged over 6 full work days on Steam.
What turned me from a normie toyboi into an Epic gamer, you ask?
That’s an easy one, gentlesir. It was only the Batman – Legends of the Dark Knight – Batgirl, released by Kenner in 1998.
1998 Legends of the Dark Knight Batgirl is Gamer Approved
Look at this action figure. It’s cool because it’s Batman, but it’s even cooler because Goth Bikini Batgirl. And this was back in the 90s, before PC (not that kind of PC, lol) culture and canceling culture got all the good men censored– so BATMAN WAS EPIC. Dark and gritty. Frank Miller Sin City on a bun, baby. And who was helping him out back then?
It was Batgirl, wearing a crime fighting uniform you couldn’t get away with in this cucked age of identity politics.
She has wings and an honest to god BAT’LETH. What more could you want? This figure is so Epic that I yeeted my neighbor’s kid’s Playstation into the sun. She was just playing Fortnight on it anyway (not political, possible girl game, not Epic) and I only stand for Real Games now, like Skyrim. I got the mod where they put a train in there instead of a dragon and it talks in the Macho Man’s voice. It’s Epic.
Anyway, this toy borders on art.
Not that I’m a big fan of art. The liberal arts are where logic and reason go to die. It’s all about feelings and not facts. It’s STEM only over here at The Dragon Fortress (also, thinking of renaming this site after a more Epic playset– what about USSFlagg.me?) and we don’t take kindly to artos anymore.
There are only two good kinds of art:
- Video games (non-political ones, like Fallout and Wolfenstein only please)
- Action figures
And most action figures just aren’t going to cut it anymore around these parts. Most toys these days are just trying to fulfill some PC (not that kind, lol) agenda for SJWs. Have you seen that they gave Storm from x-men a mohawk now and that they gave a lightsaber to a girl? Bunch of clowns is what they are.
But this action figure cuts it. With her goth bat-sword and razor sharp wings, she is Batman’s greatest ally in the fight against crime.
This figure gave me the red pill, and I swigged it down with a big cup of Gamer Fuel. I’m a changed man and it’s all thanks to Batgirl.
Overall: No one would be brave enough to make this action figure today, except maybe Todd. He’s keeping the spirit of DC Comics alive with Death Metal Batman and Robot Joker, so maybe there’s still hope for humanity. This is an Epic figure.
Other Notes on 1998 Legends of the Dark Knight Batgirl
2 thoughts on “This Epic action figure radicalized me into a g*mer”
So many replies. I guess sarcastic political satire reviews aren’t popular (possibly because modern culture is so far gone that it’s harder to tell who is serious and who is joking) There are probably plenty of people who’d hate this figure for…reasons. But toys of trained killers are okay. YEAH, LOOKING AT YOU MILITARY TOYS. Lol. I’ve heard a few over the last 20 yarens, I’ve heard moms on toy aisles say “no war toys”….to me. Because moms flirt with me in strange ways. Me being clueless never realizes it, my straightdar doesn’t work.
Tangent delusions aside, I’d forgotten this figure existed. If you told me without pictures that there was a Legends of the Dark Knight Batgirl I’d have said “No, you are a crazy person.” Though I’ve repressed so many 90’s memories that I forget the important things.
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Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! There’s not all that much you can say about this figure that photos don’t covey. It’s a 5POA Kenner figure that’s taller than their older figures. I think the most insightful thing you could say is “Kenner wanted that sweet McFarlane money” but that’s pretty obvious, too.
I don’t think this is an offensive or egregious figure, but it is a weird one. The human body does not offend me and there’s nothing here that you couldn’t see on network television. But who is it for? Maybe it was for teens and adults, but it probably didn’t appeal to many younger kids. I think this is tame enough that there wouldn’t be any real outrage in 1998 or 2021, but it is puzzling. I think it’s a puzzle we all have to solve on our own, though.