1992 GI Joe Ninja Force Dice

1992 GI Joe Ninja Force Dice – Dragon Fortress Reviews

1992 GI Joe Ninja Force Dice

Motto: “I’m a back-breaker, a face kisser, and heartbreaker! Don’t mess with me, or I’ll go Pat Benatar on your ass!”

Rumor has it that DICE was once a Cobra NIGHT CREEPER, but was kicked out for being TOO evil! He refused to donate to the Broca Beach Fire Department for their annual Cobra Hook and Ladder Viper calendar, and that was more than NIGHT CREEPER LEADER was willing to tolerate!

Dice operates as a partner to the Cobra Ninja Swordsman SLICE, specializing in choke holds, pressure points, snares, traps, blunt instruments, woodwind instruments, and eye-gouging. His weapon of choice is the Bo-Staff, which he can manipulate with blinding speed and bone crushing power. It’s a hockey stick, wrapped in duct tape, with a steak knife taped to one end, but that doesn’t seem to blunt its effectiveness in combat.

His most dreaded technique is a motion he calls the “Flying Dragon.” Everyone else calls it “a sort of awkward backhand slap.” Dice is most troublesome when he gets behind the wheel of the Cobra Rat, simply because he never wears his glasses while he’s driving.

Equipment:

  1. Double bladed steak knife and salad fork bo-staff
  2. Battle axe
  3. Throwing spikes ammo pouches, spare car keys
  4. Delayed blast smoke bombs
  5. Tranquilizer throwing spikes for sleepless nights
  6. Steel-piercing throwing stars, bought in bulk discount at local mall
  7. Combat bandolier
  8. Padded, combat knee protectors/dashboard denters
  9. Traditional Dice Clan face mask (there is no Dice Clan, so traditions are arbitrary)
  10. Arm brace with convenient tattoo viewing window

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1992 GI Joe Headhunter

1992 GI Joe Cobra Headhunters – Dragon Fortress Reviews

1992 GI Joe Headhunter

Cobra’s elite street level guards, the HEADHUNTERS, are ruthless, highly trained, and picked from the best Cobra has to offer. In order to meet the daunting Headhunter qualifications, a Cobra soldier must have a high school diploma, a GED, or any Warsaw Pact equivalent. Vetting for Headhunters is so extreme that candidates must pass a gruelling algebra test, know where the safety is on a 9mm pistol, be able to name four Bob Marley songs, and have a valid driver’s license. Former food service workers with more than four customer complaints are also heavily considered. Once a Cobra soldier becomes a Headhunter, they can look forward to standing around behind HEADMAN in a variety of dark alley and nightclub situations. The only thing Cobra Headhunters love more than sticking it to GI Joe is selling weed to undercover cops.

Qualified Expert: Shotgun, Knife, All NATO and Warsaw Pact Leather Jackets, Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ecstasy, and Alcohol… C-C-C-C-Cocaine

From the files of Cobra Commander: “Headhunters? Oh, yeah. Those guys are okay. You can hit them up on their beeper at 3am, and they’ll be at your house in under 30 minutes with whatever you need. And I do mean whatever you need. Well, kind of. I usually just end up with a bag of dirt weed (mostly seeds and stems), some prescription cat valium, and a frozen Tony’s Pizza. But, let’s be honest, that makes them more elite and dependable than 90% of my forces. That Headman guy, though? Fedora, ponytail, goatee, or bandit mask– you only get to pick one! Cripes, what a doofus.”

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