It’s been a while since I rapped at you about a classic 1990s American GI Joe, so let’s break that dry spell with today’s review.

Today we’re looking at a figure I had as a kid, but we’re also looking at a version of my favorite GI Joe character— the Joe team’s first Ranger, Lonzo R. Wilkinson aka Stalker.

This is probably the least-liked version of Stalker from the classic ARAH GI Joe series, but it’s the one I grew up with so I’m still pretty partial to it. But I feel I can be objective, too, as I’ve accumulated most other o-ring versions of the character over the years, as well.

Let’s party!

Continue reading “1992 GI Joe Stalker (Talking Battle Commanders) Review” →

During the early months of the pandemic lockdown in 2020, I ventured to an army/navy store out in the suburbs. They were open by appointment only and everyone wore a mask, which was nice. I wish people were still wearing masks more often. 

This wasn’t an army surplus store, really. They did have some surplus gear and clothing, but they were more specialized in memorabilia and other military ephemera. Among their offerings were some 12” GI Joe figures they were trying to get rid of. Their customers really weren’t interested in dolls, which came as a surprise to the owner, who was an avid collector of 60s and 70s GI Joe toys. The owner had an entire shelf full of 90s Hall of Fame GI Joe toys in the attic, along with some 90s Action Man toys. I bought all of them for a nice price and he was very happy to let them go.

I was interested in the lot both because I really liked the Hall of Fame line as a kid and because these toys aren’t very well documented on the internet. I wanted to be the person to document them. So here’s my first go at it.

This review won’t contain any “action photos” like my normal reviews do. I’m not Mark Hogancamp from Marwencol and I haven’t really figured out how to make convincing action photos of 12” army dolls just yet. 

Hopefully this will be useful and entertaining anyway, though. And hopefully we’ll slowly make it through the rest of these unloved figures, as well.

Continue reading “1992 GI Joe Hall of Fame Snake Eyes Review” →

I am a total dummy and forgot yesterday was a “holiday.” So I spent my Thanksgiving cat-sitting, watching Roxette music videos, and heading over to a friend’s house to eat the cooking he spent all day on. He made this really good vegan puff-pastry thing with lentils and veggies in it, along with some killer mashed potatoes. I also tried Cheetos mac and cheese, which was slightly disappointing. So I took the day off.

That means we’re concluding Childhood Favorites Month on a Friday instead of my usual Thursday. Let’s blame the overeating holiday instead of me just totally spacing that there was a holiday at all.

Today, we’re taking a look at 1992 GI Joe Shockwave from the DEF sub-line, who is my final choice for this year’s Childhood Favorites. It was kind of a tough call, since so many figures fit that definition. But Shockwave won out. 

ON the surface, Shockwave v3 is a simple figure from a complicated sub-line. GI Joe’s War On Drugs was waged with more expensive carded figures, all of which included light-up spring-loaded missile launchers. The enemy figures in the sub-line were also actual drug dealers, which was kind of a unique thing for a sci-fi military toy line. I have mixed feelings on the whole thing.

I do not, however, have mixed feelings on the figure itself. Let’s kick open the doors (after we’ve obtained a proper warrant) and take a look at DEF Shockwave!

Continue reading “1992 GI Joe Shockwave (DEF) Review” →

As it turns out, your first time reviewing a Cobra Commander figure is kind of intimidating. The character is such a large presence in the world of GI Joe, and the franchise as we know it literally could not exist without him. There are also a ton of Cobra Commander action figures, each of which has large swaths of fans and detractors. People are passionate about used car salesman/terrorist John Lennon.

And so am I. That’s why it’s taken me so long to review a Cobra Commander figure. I want to get it right. 

Since this is Childhood Favorites Month, today we’re looking at the Cobra Commander from my childhood– the 1992 Talking Battle Commanders Cobra Commander. This figure was a huge part of my GI Joe world growing up, as it gave me a credible version of the terrorist leader I knew from the cartoons, commercials, and comic books. 

You can point out many flaws in this figure and I will objectively agree with you. But the figure is also iconic. And, for people of a certain age, nothing represents Cobra Commander better than the TBC figure. Plus, the colors are nice. 

Let’s hope I do this figure some justice. 

Continue reading “1992 GI Joe Cobra Commander (Talking Battle Commanders) Review” →

Every Thursday this month, I’ll be reviewing a favorite GI Joe figure from my childhood. One of the figures I played with the most. The figures who were a part of nearly every childhood adventure. The ones who got dragged through the dirt, flung off the jungle gym at the local park, left at Grandma’s house over the weekend, brought to school hidden in a backpack, and treated carelessly by a child’s unabashed adoration. 

Narrowing it down to only four figures is a daunting task, but I think I’ve figured it out. 

I’m starting with 1992 GI Joe Ninja Force Storm Shadow, who is the pinnacle of “childhood favorites.” This is not a popular figure, but it’s a figure that means the world to me. It was a total game changer that affected every single aspect of GI Joe for me. This figure was my first ninja hero in the GI Joe line. A legendary character. A former bad guy now fighting on the side of the angels. A hooded avenger in white, righting wrongs with an alabaster sickle and sword. 

I’ll do my best to acknowledge the figure’s shortcomings (and there are many) while also singing its praises and describing what it means to me. 

We’ll also discuss its ephemeral nature– nothing lasts forever, not even an iconic ninja warrior. 

Here is the mythical Ninja Force Storm Shadow in all of his flawed glory. 

Continue reading “1992 GI Joe Ninja Force Storm Shadow Review” →

Today I’m joined by my friend Nekoman, purveyor of the Viper Pit. If you’re not following his work, you should be. He takes some of the best GI Joe photos (and toy photos in general) around, and his reviews are perfect blasts of fun, nostalgia, and insight. He’s one of my favorite people in the online action figure community. You can also find him on Instagram and Twitter.

He suggested today’s collaborative review, which I’m very excited about. Today we’re taking a look at the 1992 GI Joe Headquarters, which has an exalted place in both of our hearts.

Nekoman also took every single photo featured in today’s review, which should earn him a hero’s wage. But this is the internet, so that really just means this review will be stolen by some aggregator site like ToyFarts.ru so they can make money off of Cialis ads.

But really, every single one of you owes Nekoman a Shasta Cola. And I owe him upwards of three Shasta Colas, which I will never financially recover from.

On with the review!

Continue reading “1992 GI Joe Headquarters Review” →

(Editor’s Note: Today’s review comes from Robert aka RangeViper84, who was one of the earliest friends I made when I started this project. Robert’s childhood experience is quite similar to my own, as we were born in the same year. I always enjoy his take on GI Joe, and I’m delighted to present you with his take on the GI Joe line’s most unloved toys. You can find Robert on Twitter and Instagram.)

Review and Photos by Robert

I grew up watching the show, playing the NES video game, and collecting Joes from Kay-Bee Toys and Toys ‘R Us, but largely shifted out of any “collecting.” Between 2000 and 2017, I maybe purchased 10 GI Joe-related items (Cartoon DVDs, Storm Shadow Sideshow figure, to name a few). 

Then, with the birth of my son in fall 2017 I started to retrieve all of my old Joes, Turtles, Marvel, and Spawn figures from my moms house. Many O-rings had deteriorated and it was that process of repair that re-ignited my love for the franchise and desire to “get back into” GI Joe. 

Continue reading “1992 GI Joe Cobra Rat Review” →

It’s August 2020, which means it’s time for Cobra Convergence V (full schedule and links here)! Here’s my little contribution to this amazing community event that Hooded Cobra Commander 788 spearheads every year. 

Today I’m joined by my friend RTG of Attica Gazette for a look at the 1992 GI Joe Ninja Viper, who was available exclusively as a mail-in offer. RTG is doing me a huge favor by providing photos and analysis– I never experienced the original Storm Shadow mold as a kid, and he’s written extensively about the figure and has something insightful to say each time he does. I couldn’t think of anyone better to help me out with this one. 

Here’s the figure’s filecard, presented without embellishment or commentary, courtesy of YoJoe. It’s pretty wild. 

Motto: “He who masters the art of self discipline can crush any adversary, even G.I.Joe!”

Recruited from the highest ranks of Cobra’s Viper Corps, the COBRA NINJA VIPERS are the elite representation of Cobra’s new elevated level of ruthlessness. Only the most sinister and cunning Cobras are selected for duty as Ninja Vipers. Cobra Ninja Vipers are no less than 10th level black belts in karate, jujitsu and kung fu. These villains are extremely obedient and always carry out their orders to the letter. They function as covert subversives who can “persuade” any foe to do their bidding by entrapping the individual in one of their patented martial arts maneuvers. If given the opportunity, Cobra Ninja Vipers could wreak enough havoc worldwide to seriously damage G.I. Joe’s global operations.

Continue reading “1992 GI Joe Ninja Viper Review” →