Are you ready for an anniversary party, a reptile enthusiast, and some wrestle men?
Then boy howdy, you are in luck!
Monday 7/12/21 marked the 4th anniversary of The Dragon Fortress! Can you believe I’ve been at this for four whole years?? And I almost have 20 full reviews to show for it!
Thanks to all of you who have been with me from the beginning (A-Man, Mike T, RTG, Battle Armor Dad, Nekoman, Cujo, Dial H, and a few others) and thanks to everyone who’s joined me recently. This almost feels like a real website at this point!
Anyway, since it’s a Tuesday, I’m here to give you some extra content. We’ll have a full review on Thursday.
Today, you’re getting a look at Russian Funskool Croc Master, and five more mini reviews of various Masters of the Universe Origins and/or Masters of the WWE Universe figures.
Russian Funskool GI Joe Croc Master
Here it is, complete with photos of the figure from every angle. All the in-depth information you would demand from me if we ever talked anymore. *sniff*
There are also plenty of comparison photos showing this figure alongside the Hasbro Croc Master. Click the link below.
Speaking of my Hasbro Croc Master, he’s been chilling inside my Cobra Rat for as long as I’ve had him. It’s a good vehicle for him. For this little profile, though, I had to take him out of the Rat. That’s when I noticed he was positively loosey-goosey. I took him apart for the first time and his torso made that telltale “crack” a GI Joe figure makes when you unscrew it for the first time. Though it was still hanging on by a thread, his o-ring had almost disintegrated entirely.
I’m convinced that I replaced the original o-ring on a figure from 1987. The figure is almost as old as I am, and its o-ring held out for all those years. That’s quite impressive.
Oh yeah, and my friend Robert reviewed the Cobra Rat, if you missed that.
In the corporate world I have absolutely no presence in, that’s what we call synergy, baby!
Wrestle Men and Barbarians
This week I got a wild hair up my posterior and decided to continue my old Twitter thread where I post mini-reviews of MOTU figures. I thought I’d share them with you here, too, both because it inflates my word count and because not all of you follow me on Twitter (rude).
Ultimate Warrior (Version 2)
Ultimate Warrior: I remember the wrestler, but the actual human seems kinda crappy. This is a great weirdo barbarian figure though! Sadly, he has no weapons and closed fists, so Jake the Snake had to donate a hand. The cape looks very cool but is a bit of a hassle. 6/10
Kane
KANE. Another wrestler I know! Also a politician? Anyway, making him into a Roboto was a great choice. Awesome detailing and fun design. Cool effects part. He’s gonna be great for kitbashes, too. I really like this one. 8/10
Stephanie McMahon
Stephanie McMahon. I have no idea who she is, other than someone related to that bastard Vince. I love her “Evil-Lyn but mall goth” looks and skull mask (which others seem to not like), and the bone wand is brilliant. The right arm likes to pop out of its socket, though. 7/10
Rise of Evil 2-Pack – Kronis
Trap Jaw: The Prequel aka Kronis. The head looks a bit silly (like a Madball), but this is MOTU after all. I’m a huge fan of the 200X series, and the old Kronis/TJ MOTUC figure was an all time great. This figure has some small problems, but I’m very excited it exists. 7/10
Rise of Evil 2-Pack – Keldor
KELDOR. Seeing preview images of this figure is what got me started collecting MOTUO. And the head sculpt is perfect! So is the outfit. The glowing green energy blade and Havoc Staff are gorgeous. And man, WHAT A CAPE! So dashing!
He also comes with an alternate sorta-Alcala style Skeletor head. It has jeweled eyes that reflect the light in the spookiest way possible. Sadly, the purple on the hood really only matches this figure, so swapping options are more limited than I thought. Still, Keldor is a 9/10.
Anniversary Party and Sign Off
Happy Anniversary to me!
I want to take this space to give an extra special thanks to the contributors who have helped this website continue while I am mostly away from my toys and photography equipment. Without them, this site would be dead in the water. Which would be a shame, as it’s just starting to actually grow.
Huge Thanks To:
- Erick (Surveillance Port)
- Mario Xavier (YouTube, Twitter)
- Cody (Instagram)
- Sintechness (Twitter, Instagram)
- Video Dracula (Instagram, Twitter)
- Colin H. (Colin’s Joes)
- Nekoman (The Viper Pit)
- RTG (Attica Gazette)
- Ross Sewage (Blog, Instagram, Twitter)
- Eric Setzke (Toys and Tomfoolery, Instagram)
- Robert aka RangeViper84 (Twitter, Instagram)
When Robert did his Rat review last week, I desperately wanted to work a couple rat-themed song embeds in there. But, since it was his review and because I couldn’t figure out how to do it organically, I left them out.
But since this my Anniversary Party, I’ll share them now, dammit. At my party everyone is at my mercy. Those are the rules.
Wipers – ‘Return of the Rat’
Naked Raygun – ‘Rat Patrol’
Also, Robert’s review got a little shoutout on the latest episode of GI Joburg, a long time Dragon Fortress ally. I mean, they pretty much badmouthed the Rat the entire time, but not everyone is as cultured as my friend Robert.
(That was a joke, Steve. Please invite me on the podcast again.)
Anyway, thanks for coming along for this wild ride with me. I appreciate all of you.
Are you enjoying MOTU Origins and its greasier, more drug addled sister line? Do you appreciate Funskool Croc Master’s refined color palette? Why do so many old punk songs talk about rats? Let me know in the comments!
The Dragon Fortress 
hi there…i’ve been reading all yr posts for the last year or so and gotta say i luv it…the photos, the writing, the subjects all charming and wonderful. i’m primarily a joe guy but have enjoyed it all thanks for what you do and happy anniversary!
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Thanks for leaving a comment! And thanks for being here and supporting me for so long. I apologize for the slight delay, but your comment went to spam. I think was able to whitelist you, though, so it shouldn’t happen again.
I appreciate the kind words more than you know!
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Happy anniversary! Time flies when you’re having fun. So, I hope it seems like you just started yesterday.
I always wanted to like MOTU. I tried them a few times as a kid. But, they never held up. Joes had more depth, gear and vehicles. Even today, I’m tempted at times. But, I just can’t collect another toyline.
I have no idea why so many punks songs mention rats. It might be worth some research to see if it’s just coincidence or there’s a deeper subtext.
The Funskool Croc Master is a good figure. I’m afraid to use his breathing hose, though, as mine if very rigid and I’m afraid the pegs will tear if I use it. (Airtight’s hose is similar.) But, maybe I’m being paranoid as both you and RTG have shown them in use with no issues. There’s a really dark green/black Croc Master with crappy arms in the Calcium Sandoz or Halibna series. It’s a really neat paint job that shows something slightly different could have been done with Croc Master. But, I’ll take the Funskool version as is, too.
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Thanks, Mike! And thanks for supporting me since day 1.
I feel you on the “I just can’t collect another toyline” front. I already buy too many toys, but you have to draw a line in the sand somewhere. I admire your dedication to Joe and Star Wars. There are lots of toy lines I think are awesome, but know I can’t go down the rabbit hole– MASK, Real Ghostbusters, Visionaries, Battle Beasts, War Planets, Star Wars Action Fleet, etc, etc. I limit myself to only a few modern toy lines and a handful more vintage toy lines, but I still feel like I collect too many things. So even if you think a toy line is cool, you just can’t buy everything. At least most of us can’t.
If we were to guess as the psychology of punks and rats, I’d say it’s because of two thins– 1) Punk as we know it mostly originated in NYC and London, and rats are a big part of city life in both places, and 2) rats are self sufficient, scavenging, survivalist little creatures, and that fits well with the punk ethos. But my degrees are in English and Communication, so that’s just a pseudo-educated guess on my part. But it’s fun to think about.
There must be different hose materials used in different batches of Funskool figures. That’s all I can think of. Both my Airtight and Croc Master hoses are mostly just fine, and are certainly useable. But then again, some of the standard black accessory hoses from my Funskool figures have been worse than useless, too.
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Maybe it’s just a testament of how long the last four years have been, but it feels like you’ve been around forever. A toast to the past and future, and hopefully many more discussions of hazard yellow sniper rifles and supernatural wrestlemen to come.
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Thanks for the comment, Drac! It both seems like I’ve been doing this forever and like I’ve only been doing it for a few months. It’s odd. And I hope we do have many more years of spring loaded launchers and color change action features ahead of us here.
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